Unplanned Sabbatical
by Rumour of an Alchemist
Summary: Alternate Universe. Albus Dumbledore wakes up to discover his wand appears to be missing and that something's happened to his bed... Slightly silly story. One-shot.


Disclaimer: I am not J. K. Rowling. I do not own Harry Potter. I am not Lisa Stevens, Vic Wertz, Erik Mona, James Jacobs, or any of the other top brass at Paizo Publishing. I do not own Golarion.

Further Disclaimer: _The Wizard of Oz_ was written by Frank. L. Baum, and I am not him nor do I have any claim to the various books or films which have sprung from it.

Note: The following slightly silly story assumes a universe in which the Sorting Hat is likely somewhat more powerful than is ever indicated in canon...

* * *

"You know, you _can_ be replaced, headmaster."

Those were the words ringing in his ears with which Albus Dumbledore had gone to bed.

It was true that the Hogwarts board of governors could replace Albus Dumbledore as headmaster of Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry. So could the Minister for Magic, Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth the Second (if she actually even knew that he existed) and any one of the four Hogwarts founders (although they were all dead and long gone).

It was possible that even a collection of prefects from across all the houses could at least remove him so long as they were willing to install his deputy, Minerva McGonagall, in his place instead.

The Sorting Hat, however, did not possess any authority to replace Albus Dumbledore. It could make things annoying by sorting pupils into unlikely places, but that was about the extent of its political power, and Albus Dumbledore had gone to bed confident in the knowledge that the hat's threat had been an empty one. There were problems to sort out, such as the fact that Harry Potter had not yet replied to his Hogwarts letter – nor to the few following ones which had been sent so far in case the first hadn't gotten through. There was a note to write to Mrs. Figg to kindly request her _not_ to proceed with any floo call to him in his office in future until he had made sure that the Sorting Hat was unable to snoop in on the conversation. There was correspondence from Nicolas Flamel to respond to, to assure him that _yes_, he would be delighted to look after a decoy philosopher's stone for a year or two, to see if that produced any response from Voldemort. There were plans for the gauntlet protecting the decoy to approve, now that it had been necessary to move said decoy out of the lake (the merfolk had protested about having a decoy stone down there which might tempt a dark lord or his servants) and into the school. There was Argus Filch to sooth about the third floor corridor and the potential problems the caretaker foresaw of tremendous piles of dog excrement accumulating there. (That latter problem would be taken care of by Hagrid when he went by to feed Fluffy.)

Albus was awoken from his dreams of plans for the future by a sudden alarmed squawk from Fawkes.

He instinctively reached for his wand and found it missing for some reason, so he pulled out his backup wand – the one with which he had defeated Grindelwald – instead.

It was pitch dark – much darker than Albus would have expected, even for the middle of the night.

For some reason his bed was unusually cold and hard and lumpy, and his pillow and duvet appeared to have gone missing.

Dumbledore flicked his wand and silently cast a _lumos_ and stared around in disbelief at his current surroundings.

He was sitting up on an old stone bier, the lingering remains of some sort of stasis field fading away around him. He was in a modest sized stone chamber, the walls of which were lined with all manner of weapons – many of them staves and spears – and with the odd troll-sized stone statue of fierce-looking six armed creatures added in for additional decoration.

The air smelt musty and slightly stale, and the ceiling was decorated with a fresco of what appeared to be a map of some kind and a red haired woman who looked to be some sort of warrior-witch rather violently subduing various opponents.

Albus didn't recognise the script of the letters.

At each corner of the bier on which Albus had been lying, there was an ivory statue of the same spear-carrying woman who featured on the ceiling in such warlike activities, each statue being human-sized. Fawkes was initially perched on the end of the bier, but after a moment of looking at Albus and glancing around the chamber, Fawkes hopped down to the floor.

After a few anxious moments to see if anything happened in response to the light or to Fawkes' motion, but detecting nothing, Albus swung his legs and got down off the bier himself to inspect one of the statues of the woman. There was an inscription on the granite plinth on which it was standing – again in unfamiliar letters.

Albus sighed and cast a script-decoding spell. The woman, according to the inscriptions, appeared to be 'Alaznist, Runelord of Wrath'.

Albus relayed this information to Fawkes, who squawked in alarm.

Albus instructed his wand to point him to Hogwarts, but it just spun round and round in confusion. He tried 'Britain', 'Europe', and finally even 'Earth' in succession and obtained the same result.

"Do you know, Fawkes, I don't believe that we're in Arkansas any more." Albus said mournfully, quoting, as far as he could recall, one of his favourite muggle films. Like Dorothy and her little dog Tokyo he had ended up with a faithful companion somewhere completely out of the world with which he was familiar – and as with Dorothy, literally so, he had to suspect.

His mind went back to that last conversation with the hat, at which it had disagreed with his plans for the future and his interpretation of Mrs. Figg's latest reports about Harry Potter.

He could be _replaced_.

If he was here, and it was the Sorting Hat's doing, then where was this 'Alaznist' who it was his guess was _supposed_ to be here?

Unfortunately, Albus rather suspected that he knew the answer to that one…

* * *

_Meanwhile, back at Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry..._

Alaznist, Runelord of Wrath, came to her senses to discover she was sitting in a chair of some kind, ranseur in hand, with some sort of telepathic sentient hat crammed onto her head invading her thoughts.

_Now, my dear lady, I am the Hogwarts Sorting Hat, and since there's been a spot of bother which I've been having recently with the latest headmaster I cast around the multiverse for a suitable candidate with which to replace him, and came upon you. You are – for now – my choice of replacement for him, and as such are now headmistress for Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry..._

* * *

Author Notes:

Albus Dumbledore has ended up on the world of Golarion (where Alaznist originates). Alaznist was a ruler there for a time before she entered a state of 'hibernation' of some kind to avoid an impending catastrophe. (The details in Paizo canon are a bit sketchy, so I've improvised the chamber where she _was_ 'in stasis' and in which Albus ends up.) Albus' (Elder) Wand got left behind somewhere as I assume that it's an item strongly tied to Earth and wouldn't make the dimensional trip Albus was sent on.

Albus Dumbledore is hopelessly confused in his recollection of _The Wizard of Oz_ (or perhaps he saw some sort of spoof film). Dorothy comes from Kansas, and her dog is called 'Toto'.

This story is (for now) a one-shot.


End file.
